Two weeks ago, I had some major spiritual breakthroughs and for some reason I feel compelled to share them with all of you :) Some people prayed over me and a couple of things came up: 1. a spirit of depression that needed to be replaced by the joy of the Lord and 2. that God would restore the childhood that was ripped away from me, by giving me the freedom to come before Him in a childlike way. The first time these two things came up, I wasn't sure what to think because I didn't feel like I was depressed...I mean I hadn't really been myself, but I thought "me? depressed? I need to act more like a child? nope. sorry. you've got the wrong girl." The second time that it came up, it got my attention more because the person praying for me was different than the one who prayed for me the first time. Then when the third person started praying and these things came up, that's when I was sure it was a God thing...I know, I know...it takes me awhile sometimes...lol.
The change since then has been so amazing! I didn't know how down and not myself I was until I was back to being the joyful, childlike woman that God wants me to be. I'm not going to lie, I didn't have a lot of faith that the change would last or that it was even for real...I kind of thought it was all in my head. But despite my lack of faith it is sticking! Satan has been trying to steal my joy by throwing some really sucky situations my way and then trying to lie to me by telling me that any anger and hurt that the situations might bring up can't be present if I'm really walking in the joy of the Lord...but guess what, he's wrong! I'm still walking in that joy. I'm learning that I need to walk in the joy of the Lord (and that I can walk in the joy of the Lord) while I'm allowing myself to feel anger and hurt.
And then you've got the whole being childlike aspect of this whole thing...I'll tell you what, the world looks like a different place. I get distracted by the wonder and amazement I feel toward God and the beautiful creation around me on a regular basis. I do goofy stuff just because it makes me (or someone else smile) and sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it! For instance, last night I was making a smoothie and all of a sudden my mom asked me if I had to go to the bathroom. I laughed and asked her why she thought that, and she said "well you were doing a little dance while you were making your smoothie"...lol. I didn't even realize I was doing it :) It's like I'm seeing the world for the first time...it's like I'm a kid again (in a good way...lol) Not only am I more childlike in that way, but my faith is more childlike and I'm curious about life again. I ask a lot of questions (sometimes too many maybe...lol) I just want to understand the things that I can, but I'm ok with not understanding some things too. It's an incredible way to live!
Also, one of the things that God restored to me was the desire that every girl has to be a princess (wear pretty skirts and be girly especially). I've worn skirts 5 or 6 days in the last two weeks and...I even twirled in my skirts a couple of times :) I was afraid I'd feel foolish twirling in a skirt because it's kind of nonsense, but I didn't at all...it was actually pretty fun and made me smile:) I'm allowed a little nonsense sometimes...I don't have to take everything (and everyone, including myself) so stinkin' seriously all the time...I don't have to analyze things...things are way more simple than I make them. And the cool thing is that I'm finally realizing those things!